Pat and I did a fair amount of travel that involved motel stays and meals in restaurants this past summer. I guess it is the first time in awhile that we've done that, as we were both surprised at the number of families who now bring electronics with them to restaurant tables. This past long weekend was another one of travel for us, as we ventured to our beloved Wellfleet for a last beach weekend before winter (amazing that we actually swam in the Atlantic on October 9th and 10th!).

We had dinner on the outdoor patio of a favorite Wellfleet restaurant on Sunday evening, under an almost full moon. There were two families with children also eating on the patio. Both families had electronics of some sort with them for the kids' entertainment. One family had three young children, all under age seven, and the children were sharing a small DVD player, watching a cartoon movie. The parents and two other adults enjoyed glasses of wine and conversation, and occasionally asked the kids to eat their dinners, or cared for the youngest, who at 9 months or so, kept tossing toys over the side of his high chair playfully challenging anyone nearby willing to engage. But even the baby was watching the cartoon most of the time. The scene was one of relaxation and engagement.

The elements were aligned for a magical evening for all of us on that patio. We were, after all, sitting outside on Cape Cod in October, enjoying a high, bright moon and brilliant stars, the lighting on the brick patio perfectly designed to be illuminating but subtle, the chairs comfortable and the menu creative. If we were the parents of young children, would we have tried to engage them with cartoons in spite of the beauty of our surroundings? For some reason, it bothers me that my answer is “maybe.” Because what parent doesn't want to enjoy a lovely dinner with family and friends? And that, as anyone with little kids knows, is nearly impossible!

Pat and I mused about this for awhile, partly because we were distracted from the lovely moon by Shrek, and partly because we wondered what kind of choices we would make for our children now that electronics are ubiquitous. If we chose not to buy electronics for our young children (likely), would we resent parents who did? Would our kids beg for these devices, and would we be unable to engage them at the restaurant table without such stimulation, given this new cultural norm? In the not-so-long-ago “old days” when Pat and I parented, we played table games, drew on place mats designed for little ones with restaurant provided crayons, and dug deep to engage our kids. It was exhausting! And in fact we rarely ate out with our little sons because the experience simply wasn't enjoyable for any of us.

So back to the family on the patio with cartoons. The kids were happy. The adults were happy. Food was eaten, wine was shared, and everyone left smiling (except the baby who had had enough by that time!). What's missing from this picture? Perhaps nothing. But I wonder if any of them saw the moon, or pointed it out to the children, or, at a point when the children might have been paying attention, exclaimed about how extraordinary it was to dine outdoors in October in the Northeast. And what about that? Were the children ever included in the conversation beyond ordering their meals? How will these kids learn about dinner conversation and table manners, and amusing oneself when the adults at the table become mind numbingly boring? And is that the point of electronics for young children? Is it healthier for young children to be engaged in a child centered activity rather than dulled by conversation uninteresting to them? Of course, I know nothing else about my restaurant neighbors. I only shared a patio with them for about an hour. It could be last Sunday evening was the first and only time they allowed their kids to watch a movie at a restaurant. Or it could be that electronics offer them an opportunity for socializing AND having children present that I can't imagine, having rarely experienced it in the way that they did that night.

I don't have answers for the above questions, and my intention is not to judge the parenting techniques of a generation different than my own. But I do have concerns, and many more questions. Author Juliet Schor comments in her book, “Born to Buy,” “we have become a nation that places a lower priority on teaching its children how to thrive socially, intellectually, even spiritually, than it does on training them to consume.” It's her comment about spirituality that most grabs my attention. If our kids are constantly plugged in, when do they have time to tend to their spirits? When do they have time to look at the moon and wonder? And who will draw their attention to the moon if the adults are busy in conversation with each other, not paying attention to the kids?

I offer these thoughts as an invitation to conversation. And one conversation begins this Thursday evening, 10/13, with the course, “Healthy Children, Healthy Planet.” Offered on six consecutive Thursday evenings from 7:00 – 8:30 pm, we begin this week with the riveting documentary, “Consuming Kids: The Commercialization of Childhood.” Parents, grandparents, teachers, and all of us concerned with the lives of children are invited. Please join us if you can, and tell your friends about it. Last spring's class was rich with conversation, musings, ideas and revelations. You can register by calling Cindie in the church office, or through Lexington Community Education. While there is no registration fee, the accompanying course manual is $23, which will be collected at the first class. Hope to see you there!